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| Lately I will admit, my mind has been jumping back and forth between subjects constantly, making me extreamly emotionally unbalanced, && I am sorry. iloveyou. | | |
| You get upset when I say that I'm envious of other girls when they are prettier than me, and you say that I shouldnt say Im fat. You also say that I'm very unconfident with my looks. Well guess why. Last night you made me feel like I was the ugliest girl in the world. We laid there and I was waiting for you to roll over, so I could tell you this.. " You always tell me not to be so self consious, but you NEVER tell me I'm pretty, or that I'm flawless. You sit there and nod your head when I say that I'm envious of other girls. You tell me how pretty other celebrities are or how crazyly hot someone is. Well guess what, I'm sick of it. Tell me I'm pretty or forget about it." I feel a little better now. | | |
| Lately, for some reason I havent been very confident with myself, I dont feel as pretty as I could be, or as of great of a person I could be, but what is what bothered me the most is that I couldn't convince myself that I was as great as I was. While talking to a very close person to me, they explained to me how proud of me they were. They were estatic when they told me of how I was doing in life, and they exclaimed that I was an amazing young lady. I found out that self confidence isn't just thinking you're attractive, its knowing who you are and that expressing yourself to the world is what self confidence is. I always thought of self confidence as something girls have when they think they look good at that moment, not something from the inside. The fact that I didn't find this any sooner, was what shocked me the most. I happen to love the people around me, and a certain someone named God, [not the religious figure, the actual person] said the words that made me so happy with myself. " I wish there were more people in the world like you, it would be a great place." That filled my heart up with so much respect for that person, not because they gave me a compliment, but because they made me feel alive again. I all of a sudden felt a feeling of feeling.. whole. I loved this feeling, I hadn't felt this in such a long time, that I was flabberghasted! It NOT that I was unhappy, it was just I wasn't fully satisfied with myself. I feel reinvented or rebirthed, and I can't stop feeling this way, nor do I want to. I want to say to everyone I'm sorry for sitting in the dark for so long, and not finding the happiness at the end of the line. I'm in love with life, and everyone in it. I want to apologise to everyone I have been cranky with lately or unhappy with, or just not keeping close to. I also apologise for being so.. down randomly at times, as if my personal being became severely bipolar again, but I'm not. I found happiness that I am content with, and I want to keep it this way.
Vince, thank you for telling me that. You made my life.. so much..easier.
<3kayla | | |
| DETROIT HAWK CITY
Yup.. We're off to the superbowl. The fucking Seahawks kick ass. | | |
| Last night was crazy and akward all night. Lets see, I woke up to a phone call from April telling me to get up and get dressed so I can go to U. Garys with her. So, I got up, waited for her to come and get me. After a while, about an hour, She was here. We left anf it was an awesome day. We went to the Family Fun center for my cousins 10th brithday. WE ALL went to go carts, mini golf, and just stuff like that. My aunt got hurt and took 3 Pain killers, and she couldnt drive home. So we left Aprils car at the Family fun center and we shuffed 7 kids into a 4 runner that holds only 4 people. Akward? Very much so. Lol.
Anyways, Past that, april car was stuck and we were screwed, so we went to go see a movie. And at this time, it was midnight. So we went to see Hostel. GOOOOD Movie. I adored it. And the Main character was very hot and looked like vince. lol. Gotta love vince. And then we went to Sharis and got dinner. tehn it was about 1:30. LATE. We walked like 2-3 miles to Shanons house and stayed the night there. Lots of walking. That was my night.
<3Kayla Marie | | |
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